Almost Estonian

Arriving here for the first time knowing that there was now apartment to go back to in Finland did cause me some anxiety and being sleep deprived, I felt almost scared for a while here - inside the apartment. This was a really weird experience for me. To follow this up, the following morning I, for the first time ever, experienced sleep paralysis. It is a dreamlike state in which one is awake, but unable to move, often accompanied with some form of scary feeling, or even hallucinations. For me, it was this feeling of someone malevolent being in the same room, but with no sensory hallucinations to affirm this feeling. As far as I know, sleep deprivation and stress can cause this, but having had both of them in large dozes before, you would think this would have happened before but it had not. I would prefer for it to not happen again either.
  Since then, things have been running smoother and smoother. Having become familiar with my new apartment, I no longer feel such anxiety. With most of the bureaucrazy done, I have gotten rid of a lot of the related stress and this is starting to feel like the place I want and should be in. To an extent, this is advancing faster than I thought that it perhaps would be. I no longer feel like I'm just visiting here.
   Yet, there is still much to do before one can actually just sit down and relax without a worry in the world. It remains to be seen whether this tranquility can actually be found here, or elsewhere as I can only recall one such moment from my adult life, but I know I am progressively working towards it now. Today, for the first time since I came here, I felt like I am closer to "winning".
   Since I came here, I have set up a company (which despite low amount of bureaucracy in Estonia has been a bit of a hassle), found a piano teacher and got a residence permit, ID card and a maid. And that's on the side of Estonia. It is immensely liberating to let go of one's old place and realize that you are not going back to that place. The effect is obviously somewhat grander when it is also a different country.

Autumn cometh

A photo posted by Sami Anttila (@muhwu) on Oct 19, 2016 at 3:43pm PDT

I will probably write another post this week (as I already started) and it will be about music. Not sure whether that constitutes a hype or a warning, but I will let anyone judge by themselves.